The Repainting of the Coin and Kings’ Gambits

Following the protestations of Shiwajun and his declaration that he would be crowned King despite the machinations of certain Apicureans in high places, three Apicurean kings gathered and decided to petition the High Magistratum over the repainting of the coin.

There was King El-Farquaad of Dunamis, King Mattar-Shattar Wale of Zamfaraway Land and King Jar-Jar Bellows of Kogitaria. Together, the three akaras formed Voltron and were filled with a new, uncommon, hitherto unseen and imperceptible compassion for the poor and downtrodden. Thus, they pleaded with the High Magistratum to order King Gambrach to order Mefilius, the Warden of the Iron Bank, to do away with date of uselessity of the old coin. Wherefore the High Magistratum issued an Injuctio De Fidihe, that is, an order of Nekanian duration, that the date of uselessity be delayed, pending a full hearing of the matter.

Bar-Kar, the head lawman to King Gambrach, received news of the Nekanian Injunctio, and announced that the King’s Court would abide by it. Mefilius heard this and rushed to the Royal Palace at Bedrock to seek King Gambrach’s mind on the matter.

“Your Mostly Excellent Majesty, long may the days that constitute the short remainder of your reign be! Sire, I have come before thee once more that thou mayest tell me what decision I shall independently take in the matter of the repainted coin. For our supplies of coin ore have long since run low and replenishments are yet on the high seas. And even with surplus ores, our forge is of limited capacity. I must come to an independent decision on what to do next and I know I can depend on Your Majesty’s wisdom for this.”

“Let us ponder on it for three days,” replied Gambrach. “And on the third day, let us gather again with my most trusted circle, let the ale of syconfanta be liberally served that the circle may be even more obsequious than usual, and then I shall tell the people of Jirriah the decision that you have independently come to.”

Thus, in the days following the ruling of the High Magistratum, nothing changed in the supply of the coin and neither Mefilius nor Gambrach announced a new date of uselessity. Lo, the regional depositories fell under siege, as none was able to withdraw any coin, regardless of the number in the ledger. And there was like, for real, for really real, a great unchill in the land. Many Kings threatened to shutter businesses rejecting the old coin, but it was to no avail. Yea, King El-Farquaad declared, “Beware Gambrach’s inner circle in the other other room!”

And yet, the various would-be Kings at Boo Jar continued to make their cases to the people, as the date of electoralis federalis drew nigher. Shiwajun and the Shetty-Man, Arty Cool and Fan-Yi, Obi Wan Pitobi and Soof That Baba.

King Fearsome Wee-Kay of Rivissinia continued to antagonise the Padipalian campaign and Arty Cool was unable to stump for the people of Rivissinia. The thespian Seller Britties of South-Westeros pledged their fealty to Shiwajun, who continued to speak and behave in manners that consistently needed the clarification of Lastus Boltammo and his other griots. Obi Wan Pitobi’s stock continued to rise, so much that many BEES (Best Evaluators of Electoralis Surveys) gathered pollen from all over Jirriah, read the pollen and concluded that Pitobi had become the nominal front-runner.

But the shortage of the coin bit very hard. And while many used the glorious method of blocked chains to transfer virtual coins, it was a technology outside the grasp of the majority.Behold, there were weepings and gnashings of teeth at the depositories.

Finally, Gambrach was ready to address the people. He proclaimed, “Great Jirrians, I know that this has been a period of even greater suffering than I fomented during my two quadranniums, and even during my first iteration as a Man of Gunn. I promised to do my best not to disappoint you and well, here we are.

“Ye have heard it said that I directed the independent Iron Bank to repaint the currency to derail the ascendancy of Shiwajun. If he is an ardent buyer of votes, it may well be so. For I am against ALL buyers of votes. High or low, Apicurean or Padipallian, federalis or municipalian. But I also finally see that a hungry and impoverished people will be at their most susceptible to vote buyers. And Jirrians deserve a free and fair electoralis and gaddem you my haters, I need to be remembered for at least one good thing!

I therefore decree that the Iron Bank of Boo Jar, with its independent mind and of its own volition, shall bring back the 200 shekkel coin. But the 500 and 1000 shekkel coins are now and forever proscribed – behold, their day of uselessity is today.

And what of the ruling of the High Magistratum? Well, as Bar Kar, my chief lawman once famously said, ‘Rex fit injuria iyalaya anybody’. For, like the guy from Siam said, I am King.

And unchill began to rumble again, for immediately after King Gambrach’s speech, King El-Farquaad rejected his authority over Dunamis. “King Gambrach is my guy, but his circle has struck again. So I say no. In Dunamis, until the High Magistratum issues an Injunctio De O’Dilly, that is, one in perpetuity on this matter, Dunamisians will be both free and compelled to deal in the purportedly outlawed coin.”

And there were gasps and whispers of accusations of treachery. And in all of Jirriah, there was not one gaddem chill to be found in the land.

The book of the First Quadrannium of Gambrach is available for purchase in the Amazonian libraries of Bezos, in Kindling and Papyruss.


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