The seventh year of the reign of King Gambrach came to end and the spirit of electoralis descended fiercely upon the kingdom of Jirria. The hearts and minds of the nobles of the kingdom were ravaged with depravity as they all brazenly and unapologetically abandoned all pretence of governance or concern about the wellbeing of the polity.
The Apicureans held sway in Boo Jar and longed above all to maintain their stranglehold on the commonwealth. The Padipalians sought to wrest the commonwealth from their clutches and both set about to choose their champion. Abushola of the Padipalians (yet formerly also of the Apicureans) continued to traverse the kingdom to shew himself approved. Arty Cool the Perennial also once again declared his intention to be King in Boo Jar. But the most favoured Padipalians of the Twillistians and Social Medianites, was Ser Obi Wan-Pitobi, who had ruled the Nambrians for two quadrannia.
Obi Wan-Pitobi had accrued great wealth and fame before the throne and was widely believed to be unprofligate with the commonwealth. “Pitobi made Nambria a citadel of learning! Pitobi weareth only Taylor Loran! Pitobi shrinketh engorgements faster than a cold shower!! Pitobi does his laundry only once a year, to save on soap!” declared the Twillistians. “Why reject ye salvation from South Easteros?”
Yea, did Obi Wan-Pitobi also feed the urban legend as it grew. “Behold! I have suffered my son not to live as the son of a noble. He weareth only the noblashawoshorts and not the robes of the aristocratic. Lo, have I declared that he and his sister shall not have their own chariots until Jirria floweth with milk and with honey! This is my solemn vow.” Lo, then, even his supporters enjoined him to chill, for he was giving scrooge.
Fearsome Wee-Kay, King of Rivissinia also declared himself desirous of the Irone Throne in Boo Jar. “Padipalian Delegates, I come not to thee with any misconception about your interest in how we can rescue Jirria from Gambrachian Nihilism. Nay! Tell me what it is YOU want! For in the words of the ancient prophet Victorious Alpha Delta – if we make not bank what gaineth we??”
In Apicuria, there was mild pandemonium as Osinoshin meekly invited the Apircureans to choose him for electoralis federalis. “Fellow Apicureans, I come to ye today, not as bad man looking good in DiYorr but a humble apostle and understudy of King Gambrach the Greatest. If Gambrach touched ye, I shall touch ye even more. If you felt his finger, behold ye shall feel my hand. If his stare brought us to this glorious precipice, then Witness Me as I strong my face even harder. Star boy dey-eth for thee.”
And the followers of Shiwajun were furious, for legend had it that Shiwajun himself had desired to serve as the Hand of King but was rejected by Gambrach, whereupon he nominated Osinoshin as his proxy. “Thy son stabbeth thee in the back!!! Wilt thou unleash Wahala Morghulis on him?” the journalistas asked Shiwajun, wherefore he replied, “no son of mine is grown enough to wield a knife.”
And yet, without further ado, King Jefka of Ekitlopia, another supposed Shiwajunian general also declared his interest. As did Shomolek, the former Head of Apicuria; and King Ma-Hee of Ebonyiandivory; and King Roechazz the Statuist; and Rotamachus (also known as Monoraillius Incompletus) Gambrach’s councillor for journeys; and Gigabytesize of Kee Ja, Gambrach’s councillor for learning; and VolontiDei, the former Bleck Penther and King of Ibombay; and Gbonafelifeli Oh-Nu, Gambrach’s councillor tackiknowledgy; and Yerrimiah, former King of Zamfarawayland and child-bridegroom; and Bankilopoulos the Second, former warden of the junior senatii in the quadrannia of King Shegolas! Phew!
The people saw all the Apicureans contesting to be champion for electoralis and wondered, “What is this madness? Who runneth the shop if the entire family be at the departing patriarch’s side?” And yea, unchill began to rumble in the land.
And behold, it was heard that Mefilius, Warden of the Iron Bank of Boo Jar had finally yielded to other auto-orchestrated agitation to also put himself forward to contend to represent Apicurea at electoralis whilst retaining the golden key to the vaults of the Iron Bank.
“Nehi!!” the people cried. “Kuch Nehi!! And if he persists, by the old and new gods we will namaste wahala unto him! For it is written in the grundnorm constitutio that the Warden of the Iron Bank must always be fully and wholly devoted to Iron Banking. How can one do so while contending for electoralis?”
And Mefilius saw the outrage and pondered Odunladenically to himself, “so these people really wanna gonna shey yeye me? Get me Zek-Homie the advocate and let us find a judge to throw ourselves before. For I must retain the golden key and I must contend!”
Lo, it was heard throughout Jirria and in all of Twillistia and Social Mediana. And there was no gaddem chill in the land!