The Second Quadrannium of Gambrach: The Hushing of the Puppies

black dog wearing blue denim collar

Thus it went that electoralis drew even closer for the kingdom of Edom and also the kingdom of Ondonia. Shomolek brought all the wherewithal within his diminutive frame to bear against King Bar Sekky such that the Edominatti Apicureans rose in unison to denounce Bar Sekky. “Be gone from our midst, Bar Sekky! We wouldst no longer have thee as our king. Nay! Ser Yamu-Yamu is our champion, notwithstanding his pending trial at the magisterium for fraud of 700 million shekels!” The people heard it and there was no chill.

Believing himself now back in favour with the powers that were, Shomolek approached the magisteriat again, to be reinstated as Warden of the Apicureans. Alas, the response from the magisteriat was “Hush, you little puppy. Thou remaineth de-wardened!” And Shomolek understood it not.

The Padipalians welcomed Bar Sekky into their fold. The Apicureans, needed to respond with a move of seismic proportions and cast their mind to the words of Shomolek in the past quadrannium, “he who hath not the fortitude to withstand enrigment wouldst be wise to abstain from politicking.” Yea, did they cast their eyes to the national enrigment hotspot of Car-Knoe and appointed King Macashma Gandy the Great Sold as the general of their electoralis army.

Giddy at his gentrification, Macashma of the enbenjamined robes cried out, “this will be a most glorious electoralis for Apicuria. It will be written down in the books by those who partake in too-wrenchy. Yea, shall we defend the kingdom of Edom from all angles and isolate all the Padipalian kings, even King Wee Kay of Rivissinia.”

King Wee Kay heard the boast and chuckled, saying “hush, you enscandalled benjaminian puppy. Layering ones robes with Trumpetistani shekels does not armour make.” The people heard it and hollered, “Macashama Gandi, will you be hushed so?”

But Macashma couldst not answer, for there was turmoil in House Apicuria since the demise of Ser Bakky Arie. The echoes of the Ogbenyssian Protocol still rang across the Apicurean halls and it was whispered that all those who were loyal to Shiwajun were being disabled one after the other. It was in that day that news came unto the people that the Pretend-Warden of the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission, Ser Mar-Goo, had been waylaid by men of the Disaster Squad Squadron and taken to the dungeons of Bedrock for investigation.

Mar-Goo was indignant all the way there, boasting, “Gambrach refuseth to dismiss me even though Senatii declined time and again to affirm my Wardeny. He will have your heads! Know ye not that I am his war, I am his fight against corruption, the greatest strategy known to mankind, that I am his inder…” but he could not finish the sentence. He was before Ser Bar Kar, Gambrach’s head lawman (the N was silent).

“You again?” protested Mar-Goo. “What is it this time? I have said time and again – you are not the boss of me. I report directly to the King!”

Bar Kar chuckled. “I am not here to trade words with my subordinate,” he responded calmly.

“Your WHATTTT? Have the guards uncuff me, let me show you subordination!!! I am Mar-Goo, Pretend-Warden of the Everlies! The Spear of King Gambrach himself!”

“And what does a hunter do when the spear runs off with spoils of the hunt?” he asked, upon which Mar-Goo began to expel perspiration. “TAKE HIM TO THE DUNGEONS! He will yet confess!”

Meanwhile, in the Middle Eastern kingdom of Doo-Bye lived a young Jirrian wrestler named Razor Ramon, affectionately called PoshGuppy, as he dressed like an affluent fish out of Jirrian waters (get it? PoshGuppy? Anyway…). PoshGuppy was a supreme presence on the Grams of Inster, never to be caught unfresh, parading a vast array of chariots of the finest valyrian steel. Verily, verily, he was indeed a living thing on top of things, celebrated as builder of real actual estates in the sky.

Thus it was that one morning, the Jirrian reverie was broken with news that the Doo-Byelese constabulary in conjunction with the Trumpetistani Finest Baddest in Investigators had besieged and arrested PoshGuppy and his associates. Lo, as Razor Ramon protested his innocence, the enforcers of the law said unto him, “Hush, Puppy. You are no guppy. You almost lived to become the big dog of defraudulations. But we have apprehended thee!”

The people heard of the travails of Mar-Goo and PoshGuppy, and there was no gaddem chill in the land.