The Second Quadrannium of Gambrach: The Ogbenyssian Protocol

man holding pipe statue

It was once again the Day of Bar Charr Mortis and the people of Jirriah recalled with warm disgust where exactly they were on the day that Bar Charr did a Beelle Corsbi and became a Ghost Daddy. The Coffee pestilence was still upon them but news of it had been subsumed by events in Trumpstantinople, where a charcoaloid citizen had been unlawfully killed by an elbuboid member of the constabulary. Yea, the eluboids had pressed the charcoloid’s Georghinho. In the gaddem neck.

It was the latest in a series of charcoloid persecution at the hands of some eluboids, without consequence. The charcoloids had had enough and burst onto the streets of every Trumpstantinoplan prefecture, declaring, “Charcoloids Matter! Charcoloids Matter!” Lo, some eluboids found this offensive and declared instead, “All Loids Matter! All Loids Matter!” And there was a conflagration in all countries of the earth.

In the Jirrian Kingdom of Edom, electoralis was at hand as the first quadrannium of King Bar Sekky drew to a close. The hand of Shomolek, Head of House Apicuria and erstwhile King of Edom himself was set against Bar Sekky and there was no gaddem chill. Shomolek came unto the people of Edom and said unto them, “Great people of Edom, I know it was only a quadrannium ago I came unto thee and told ye that Ser Yamu-Yamu was unfit to be King. Forgive me, for I knew not what I was saying then. I am older now, and wiser. And I have grown. And I am speaking my truth. Behold, tis Bar Sekky who is unfit, for he respecteth not the God fathership of thy Kings past.” Verily, verily Bar Sekky replied unto him, “Gourrd purrnish your parrparr!”

Meanwhile, in that day, there were two squires from the House of Sabimento – Chxta of Greece and Ednut the Fonjissimo. Yea, in their work for Sabimento, they traversed Jirriah interrogating the facts behind the gossip pervading the land. By and by, their quills told of a pestilence upon the land, worse than Coffee One Nine, from which the perpertrators profited immensely. It was a pestilence that flew by night, day and any other gaddem time it cared, for the Constabulary was either complicit or powerless to stop it – Humannapping.

Behold, their report came unto the Jirrians, many of whom were rightly perturbed. But the Lovengers dismissed it, declaring it the mischievous work of mercenary Aliminic agents. Yet, it was in Sin-Sinna the home Kingdom of King Gambrach himself that the matter came to a head. The towns and villages were pillaged and the municipal head of House Apicuria in Sin-Sinna was Humannapped. Completely at a loss at what to do next, King Asari Dumbello proclaimed, “Behold, I hereby renounce the gentleman’s agreement between us Sin-Sinnans and our tormentors. I know not what I shall do next but see how strongly and passionately I denounce them!!!”

The people saw it and there was no chill.

In Ekonnos, the Kalahari Newsgatherers had huffed and puffed but they could not blow down the house of Muddy O’Basha. O’Basha convened on the Grams of Inster with Ser Mommodeen, Chronicler of the Ostentatious and declared, “You dey whine me ni? Money is for spending!” Yea, the people looked on in wonderment, as his fellow Ekonnosian Lexiconmen, in unison, passed a resolution of WonOBiYinDa in his support, yea, as their spouses received promise of a dubailoid expedition. And there was no chill in Ekonnos.

The unchill swirled even louder as news came unto the people that Ogbenyssius and Shiwajun no longer saw eye to eye. This made no sense to the people of Twilistia and Social Mediana, for both Shiwajun and Ogbenyssius were Oshunlonicans and Ogbenyssius had pledged fealty to Shiwajun for many years. Was Ogbenyssius threatening the eternal harmony of Iragbishire? Had he prevented another van of bullion from entering the palace of Body Lawn?

Then word came to the people that Ogbenyssius had been betrayed by Shiwajun in the proclamation of the new Chief of Eeru, and as a result, in fact, Ogbenyssius himself spurred by the words of King El-Farquaad of Dunamis was steeling himself to vie against Shiwajun for the Iron Throne of Boo Jar once the second quadrannium of Gambrach was done.

The people of Twilstia and Social Mediana beheld it all. And there was no gaddem chill in all the gaddem land!