In the days following the Apicurian victory in Ekitilopia, the magistratum ordered the bailment of Darth Soukey from the dungeons of Gambrach, for the sixth time. A sixth time, Gambrach and his council unlooked. Behold, their necks were severely stiffened from all the unlooking going on, and the councillors knew not where to look any longer.
The people heard of the unlookment from Bedrock and once again raised their voices in protest. The councillors, weary of the savagery of the people decided to draw lots to determine which of them would respond. Yea, the shortest straw was drawn by Bar Kar, Gambrach’s Head Pharisee, wearer of silken robes of wisdom.
“Friends, citizens, people of the Kingdom! Lend me thy ears. I come to bury Darth Soukey, not to praise him. For he is a prisoner of despicability.”
“Thou art a man of learning in the law, are ye not? Is it not our law that only the magistratum may condemn a man and that the orders from the magistratic bench must be obeyed by all, even the King?”, the leader of the protest asked.
“Aye. Tis in fact the law. But did ye not know, that according to the latin maxim, espouso de my bumbum, the King is in fact empowered to disobey any gaddem order he dislikes?”
“You lie, Bar Kar! There is no such latin maxim.”
“Oh, but there is! The first maxim of inequity. The full saying is espouso de my bumbum rex fit injuria iyalaya anybody.”
And the people were incensed. Seeing the rising anger in the kingdom, another of Gambrach’s councillors rose to the occasion. His name was Hadi Potter and he was Gambrach’s councillor for winged chariots. Hadi Potter himself was a winged chariotsman, undergoing his training at the Nogwarts School of Futuristic Flight.
“Majesty, what will surely distil these flared tempers is the rejuvenation of the Royal Winged Fleet!”
“What? Again?” asked Gambrach. “The graveyard runneth over with the corpses of the winged chariot fleets of past quadrannia. The crater left by the huge, repeated expense remaineth in the vaults of the Iron Bank of Boo Jar till this day! Surely, affliction shall not rise an eleventh time?!?!”
“Wot is you talkin’bout, Hadi Potter? Dis ting finna cost a big sum of blaadclat coin which we afi budget for, innit though?” Hadi Potter ignored Lady KemShun.
“Aye, Sire. But verily I say unto thee that it shall be different this time.”
“How so? The people will ask and if we unlook one more gaddem thing in this Kingdom, I will need a brace like Yode of Ekitilopia!”
“Sire,” said Hadi Potter, “this time around we have thee and thy glorious leadership.” Gambrach looked around to see if everyone else was as bored as he was, but Hadi Potter quickly continued.
“We also have a little something I’ve kept up my sleeve until now.” Lo, Hadi stuck his hand up his sleeve and produced a short wooden stick. “You literally had something up your sleeve”, remarked Oshinoshin. “Marvellous!”
“And what wilt thou do with a stick?” asked Gambrach. Hadi Potter smiled, for what many did not know was that the Nogwarts School of Futuristic Flight was also a school of wizardry. It had been a leading school until a recent downturn in the Kingdom, forcing many of the instructors to relocate to Canardiana with their families. However, his stick was not a mere stick – it was a wand.
Waving the wand over his head, Hadi Potter shouted, “Accio insignia!” and a floating streamer of green and white stripes floated into the room. “Behold, the new sigil!” said Hadi Potter.
FemCallamitus was scared shitless and ran for cover under Gambrach’s throne.
“Nyem appelatio!” he yelled, and letters materialised from the ground, forming the words ‘Hot Air’. Shimolek, the new Head of the Apicureans tried to inhale the words, but Hadi Potter restrained him, saying “Behold thy official name!”
Waving the wand a third time, Hadi Potter cried, “Wingardium chariotis leviosa!!!” and with a loud whoosh, wireframes of winged chariots appeared in the King’s court.
The Kings courtiers looked to Hadi Potter for what was to come next but Hadi Potter had collapsed. He was sweating and breathless, and his magic was spent.
“Why start thou something which thou canst not finish?” asked Gambrach angrily. “This is but a twentieth of what is required. What shall we do with a mere 5%?”
Panting heavily, Hadi Potter replied, “Forgive me, my King. I underestimated the effort required to start a fleet. With thy permission, I shall journey to the Jandinian village of Farn Brozos – for powerful sorcerers reside there; and they can conjure the remaining 97%.”
“Thy arithmetic is suspect,” said FemCallamitus, finally recomposed.
“As is thy memory,” responded Hadi Potter with a warning glare.
“Very well,” said Gambrach to Potter, “Go ye to Farn Brozos, take the Code of Esther with you. And godspeed!”
But the people had heard word of the conjurings in Bedrock and they saw Hadi Potter depart for Farn Brozos and there was not a gaddem atom of chill in the Kingdom.
Meanwhile, rumours swirled of defecations, re-defecations and de-defections between Apicuria and Padipalia. Electoralis was truly at hand…