The Chronicles of Chill: Tempus Fudgedit & Cappé Didinrin


Brethren, it had been a most challenging time in the land. The Iron Bank of Boo Jar, under the inauspicious supervision of Mefilius had placed an embargo on the importation of chronicular parchments. Behold, in spite of his independently mandated floatation of the coin of the land, there was no respite for the people, and both quill and parchment were in short supply.

Indeed, the lovengers, who had previously been completely enamoured of Gambrach, were slowly joining the swell of lamentations in the land, as one thing after the other went askew. Gambrach had shown himself not much changed from his first coming as severe man of Gunn, and his affliction with Many Years Disease appeared not to have lifted in spite of the best efforts of the Jandinian meisters. Such was the disillusionment with the reign of Gambrach that the music of popular bard, Harrimus Songinus, Bluesian Reggae, was re-written as a lamentation of the people.

The travails of Abushola at senatii did not abate, and yea, was it alleged that together with his deputy Equerry Mah-Du, the rules of senatii under which they emerged Warden and deputy had been forged. Lo, was a charge proferred against them before the magistrate. And Dinobetes Mellitus, right hand man of Abushola was displeased. And yea, in his righteous displeasure did he gather other members of senatii to declare the forgery allegations false and threaten them with sanctions. Mimi, wife of Shiwajun, was present at senatii and objected to the use by Dinobetes Mellitus of threatening language, asking him, “Why comportest thyself like a pleb and why speakest thou the words of an unpolished, brute thug?”

Dinobetes was renowned for his short temper and, having no words to counter Mimi’s description of him, lunged at her, but was restrained by his colleagues. “Thou art lucky, Mimi, wife of Shiwajun”, he was said to have cried, “for were it not for this collegial restraint placed upon me by my colleagues, yea, would I have come into you and known you and filled you up with child!” Behold, this was the repot that was brought to the people.

And the people were shocked and filled with despisement of Dinobetes and warned him, verily, to stay away from Gideria, the heartland of Shiwajun’s influence. “Beware the wrath of Shiwajun”, they warned.  But Dinobetes, not to be cowed, went to the port of winged chariots and proclaimed boldly, “Behold, I come to Gideria.” And when he had reached Gideria, proclaimed again, “Behold, I set my feet on the sands of Gideria. Where be they who dared me?” Not satisfied with his display of, uhm, bravefulness, Dinobetes Mellitus proceeded to the street upon which the house of Shiwajun was built and had the moment captured for posterity in an engraving with the caption, “Behold Dinobetes, the great stander on the street of Shiwajun!”

But the people did not salute the bravefulness of Dinobetes and he soon found himself in the village square defending himself against the words he was alleged to have spoken in senatii. “Verily, verily, I say unto ye, that they lie who allege that I threatened to fill and endow and imbue Mimi wife of Shiwajun with child. Though I have no fear of Shiwajun, tis not possible that such words could have proceeded from my mouth, for clearly she arriveth menopause!” And the people were astounded at the wisdom of Dinobetes.

And lo, the time came again for the finest athletes in the land to sojourn for the quadrannial olympiad. Gambrach had appointed his councillor for sports, a man named DaKidney and the Kingdom’s conquest at the olympiad was under his supervision. DaKidney had first impressed the people of Twilistia with his manner of dress – the unusual garb of cubanic revolutionaries. However, with only days before the commencement of the olympiad, the Kingdom’s athletes came into Twilistia and Social Mediana to petition the people of the land. “ComeFundMe” cried the athletes, one after the other, “for the Kingdom has yet to pay for my voyage to olympia.”

“How is this possible” asked the people, “when DaKidney the cubanic councillor is the one in charge? Surely, he knoweth better than the others the science of administration. He is cubanic, is he not?”

But the cry from the atheletes grew louder, and DaKidney was finally forced to reply. “Be still and shut your goddam mouths! Beware that ye do not piss me off! Didst thou tell me you were preparing to depart for olympia? Is it incumbent upon me to procure your safe passage? How counter-revolutionary! How effete! How petit-bourgeoisie and latte-sipping compradoring of thee! Take ye heed and be ye therefore warned, that if anyone of thee makest noise about insufficiency of comfort, thou shalt be punished! Viva la revoluçion!!!”

And the people were astounded, for such a shambolic departure for olympia was not what they expected from DaKidney, or the reign of Gambrach. And the people were further upset by other members of the geriatric council of Gambrach. Woo Do, councillor for farming wished to import grass from Lebanon to feed the cows and quell the herders crisis in the country. Shittinski had nothing of note to say from the time he entered the council, but in his defence, he had busied himself trading his scruffy garments for raiment new. Lar Yi continued to be ridiculed for his liberty with facts and truth. Gambrach himself was meeting the increasing inability of the people, yea even the lovengers, to hide astonishment as he favoured filling the key posts in the kingdom with people from his hamlet.

Brethren, it was a hard time. And there was no gaddem chill in the land.

5 thoughts on “The Chronicles of Chill: Tempus Fudgedit & Cappé Didinrin

  1. Pingback: The Chronicles of Chill: Missingstopheles & The Lost Scrolls of the Kingdom | TexTheLaw

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