The Chronicles of Chill: The Sansafication of Lady Yeeshah


And it came to pass that King Gambrach returned from Jandinia, with relief from his affliction of Many Years Disease. Moborius, the King’s favoured portrait engraver, shewed engravings with the King’s descent from his winged chariot and the parade of the many centurions that came thither to welcome him. Some member of his Council were also on hand to welcome him. “Welcome, O great King”, they greeted, “behold thy glistening, shiny new ear! It is most glorious to behold!” Gambrach grimaced and replied, to the councillor standing closest to him, “Is this the true nature of thy voice? Sheesh!” Gambrach cast a sad, longing look back at the winged carriage, knowing that if he made a run for it and headed back to Jandinia, there would be severe unchill.


This was very shortly after Mefilius had followed the order to independently take the decision to float the coin of the land. There was chill in the land, as all adjusted to the flotilla of coins all over the atmosphere. But this is Twilistia & Social Mediana, where eternal vigilance is the price paid for chill. As such, the chill could only be fleeting.


In Oshunlonica, king Ogbenyssius was in a bit of a quandary. His coffers were empty and he was not able to pay the wages of the kingdom’s workers. The centres of learning were also in a satirical crisis, with children arriving for instruction wearing religious garments, looking to appease the gods both old and new. Ogbenyssius, like Gambrach, was of House Apicuria and apparently this was a time of dreaming dreams and seeing visions. Or hearing voices. Ogbenyssius was in deep thought about his travails one day, when he heard the words “Mene, Mene, Tekel, Uphargarrium”.


“What meanest thee by these ancient words?” Ogbenyssius asked the voice. But there was no answer, so Ogbenyssius summoned his council to see if any knew amongst them. None knew the language but one remembered a story from his youth, with similar words, about weights and scales.


“Ah,” thought Ogbenyssius, “we shall inaugurate and commission new scales across Oshunlonica. We shall depart from the metric system and our new measure of weight shall be the Ogbeny. And the people shall be thrilled, for it will solve all their grain problems.”


And behold, all through the land, there was a rumbling of unchill, as the people laughed in derision at the Oshunlonicans and their king.


And lo, a few mornings after, king Yode of Ekitilopia woke up the people of the land with gory news. Yea, did he gather them all there – the Social Medianites, the Digital Perusites, the Twillistians and the Amalakites (who were a new tribe known for devouring copious amounts of amala and soup at the city of Jevinik). “Behold the tyranny of Gambrach!” Yode cried. “He has embargoed my personal lodgements at the Zen Bank, contrary to our laws.”


And there were further murmurings in the kingdom. “We thought Gambrach had been cured of Many Years Disease”, one quarter protested. And yet others retorted, “Yode abuseth Gambrach longtime! Get him!!”


Yode gave further details. “Gambrach setteth the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission against me, alleging I attained the throne of Ekitilopia by fraud. Oh how I would that he waiteth until my quadrannium ends in 2 years and they couldst lawfully prosecute me. Thou knowest that a king may not be prosecuted in our land until he endeth his reign.”


And the rumblings increased, with debates in the town squares, one way and the other.


“And what is this battle against corruption anyway, if not a sham?” Yode continued. “Afterall, Yeeshah, the wife of Gambrach herself is named in the corruption parchment from Barackistan.”

And my gheeeurd, there erupted a geyser of unchill in the land for Lerthagoras of House Padipalia shewed all gathered the corruption parchment. And lo, was there indeed the name Yeeshah within.


And the rumblings got even louder; so loud that they reached Gambrach’s High Palace in Boo Jar. And yea, Gar Bar, scribe of Gambrach addressed the people. “Pay ye no heed to Yode. His mind is the mind of a child and his musings the ramblings the words of a girl with daddy issues. Knoweth he not that there are several Yeeshahs and the Yeeshah named in the corruption parchment is not Yeeshah of Gambrach?”


Lo, did the word of Gar Bar go forth and yea, did the people think it was over. In the High Palace, Yeeshah was seething. She wanted to respond to Yode, and reminded her aides how Yode had taunted Gambrach with death, during electoralis. “Patience, M’lady,” they responded. “You want me to respond as Patience lady of Gejoshaphat would?” she asked. “No, M’lady. Exercise patience. The Everly Commission, for sure, will have him in their keep in the fullness of time.” “What, again? Who let Femcallamitus in?” she asked.


Yeeshah remained in her chambers, and called her conjurer to conjure up the most recent episode of Game of Thrones, in her magic water-bowl. And as she saw Sansa set the dogs on Ramsay, she knew exactly what she would do.


Yeeshah went into Twillistia Square and declared loudly, “Yode!!! Thou unchained dog! One has had enough of thee! Gambrach may be 73 and old but I am 45 and young and I will defend myself! Thou chainless hound! It is on, my niccur!!!”


Behold, verily, verily, after her declaration, was there no gaddem chill to be found anywhere in the land. Absolutely none.




In the midst of the crisis, came the lucidity that birthed a new mathematical theorem, which the people called the Lerthagoras Theorem. For Lerthagoras responded with a postulation that Yeeshah had just declared that she was married to Gambrach at the age of 13. How? He took 45 years away from 73, ended up with 32 and then, well … see for yourself.

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9 thoughts on “The Chronicles of Chill: The Sansafication of Lady Yeeshah

  1. Reading me just made me smile and brightened up my already soul-searching searching and confusing day. Great piece! Very enthralled by this. Can read again and again and again….


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