The Tribune reports a bizarre story, where students of a particular secondary school in Osun State, reacting to the governor’s pot-pourri revamp, all came to school wearing religious garb. Christians in choir robes, Muslims in veils and African religionists in, well, “fetish” regalia.
In Osun right now there’s confusion
In secondary school institution
Rauf did a mix
And now he must fix
The MusChristTrado revolution
You must be weary of my unending coverage of the political defecations now. No, that was not a typo. The Parties are shitting on each other, aren’t they? Well, the PDP has now lost, for the 2nd or third time in its history, the country’s former vice president. The question has been asked what will happen if he fails to get the APC’s presidential nomination, being its newest member and all… Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
The party they want to cremate
As all these old hands relocate
Will lead to the loss
Of national gloss
The defectors Atiku-late*
He’s been here & there & all over
Political shaker and mover
When you oscillate
Like he’s done of late
You’re king of the Party jan’glova*
Now, how does Atiku’s defection/resignation/porting affect previous political calculations? It is said to be an open secret that the current Speaker of the House is poised to join the APC and become its presidential nominee. The chatter on this has been a little subdued over the past week. More waiting and seeing to be done.
What happens when Speakers defect
What should be the legal effect
If they stay in-seat
‘zit legal conceit
Or is it a power redirect?
Ah, yes. There’s also been the matter of a legislative filibuster, which we haven’t seen for a few generations now. Buoyed by the recent influx into its fold, making it the majority party in the lower house, subject of course to how the courts eventually treat defectors, the APC has asked its members to block all executive bills. This is not because they enjoy being a nuisance to the President, no. They say they’re doing it to compel him to return the “rule of law”. We’ve already discussed how that means several things and nothing all at once in Nigeria.
To strip PDP of its lustre
The APC men in their cluster
Are “taking a stand
For good gov’nance” and
Will do so by a filibuster
Absorbing the past’s imperfections
To shore up for coming elections
Are you really new
Do you have a clue
Or defects are mere defecations?
We return this week to the case of Danbaba Suntai, governor-on-gardening-leave of Taraba State. He appeared on a most pitiful interview on Sahara Reporters, though the State has since feebly alleged that the video is a fake. I know who I believe.
The guv’nor who crashed with his plane
Whose aides say is fit & is sane
In video log
On Sahara’s blog
Admits he can’t yet take the strain
Danbaba’s aides cleary can’t think
That someone so close to the brink
Was left to admit
That he wasn’t fit
And that he’d been prone to the drink
One of GEJ’s longtime tormentors, Mallam Nasir El-Rufai was invited by the SSS to explain certain remarks he’d made. On the good Mallam’s release, he chose to confirm the rumour about Presidential Sniper Teams, first given credence by former President Obasanjo in his open letter to President Goodluck Jonathan.
Our Mallam Has Sighted The List
But Says He Won’t Give Us The Gist
For All Of That Tripe
’bout Rulers That Snipe
We Cannot All Help But Be Pissed
Now, who leaked that snipering list
That’s got APC in red mist?
Was it worth revealing
Their targets, who reeling
Now fret if they really exist
The PDP kicked out 80-year old erstwhile chairman, Bamanga Tukur, and President Jonathan promptly appointed him as head of the 115-year old railway corporation. Nothing more to be said about this geriatric pairing, except maybe a previous word on the railways. Oh, and that this was still a huge relief as the word on the streets was that Tukur was going to be appointed the minister of defence!
So Tukur was not for Defence
Their rapture must be so immense
Those poor Jonathanians
Who face Social Medians
And randomly take offence
The railways aren’t yet slow enuf
Journeys insufficiently ruff
So we got an Ancient
To make us more patient
By fixing up all of that stuff
If you’re Nigerian and you haven’t yet heard this leaked customer care agent call, where have you been???
While checking on MTN import
Etisalat Uche gave comfort
Was falsely accused
And being the called party’s consort
And finally, to St. Peter’s square, where the Pope released a dove to the heavens. The dove didn’t quite make it that far, though as a crow attacked it. A form of Mene Mene Tekel to the onlooking crowd, or what does this mean?
When Francis let go of the bird
A shriek & a cackle were heard
A seagull & crow
Impeded its flow
In scenes superstitious, absurd
*Atiku-late was coined by @Shimoshi1. Follow him on twitter for more witticisms.