It’s probably not intentional, but the limericks have veered, in a most determined fashion, into the theatre of politics since the turn of the year. Perhaps it’s the season the country is in, with all the political intrigue already “heating up the polity”. For those who follow the politics, here’s my take on the events. For those who don’t, maybe this will spark your interest, as the question of who our leaders should be has never been more important.
1. General Muhammadu Buhari reportedly said here that the All Progressives Congress would groom tomorrow’s leaders. Pretty rich, coming from him, as he’s turned 70 and seems to wish to contest in 2015’s presidential elections in spite of the fact that he’s participated and lost in every election since 1999.
A frequent Prez Contestant
Thrice lost,but unrepentant
Announced that his party
Will groom leaders, lawdy
He’s not even groomed a lieutenant
2. The YouTube video above went viral. It showed a Kenyan lady remarking tongue-in-cheek about how dazzled they were when President Jonathan came to Kenya with Nigerian businessmen, in a “convoy” of 7 private jets. It was a non-story, a chuckle and a half, until Dr. Reuben Abati (Special Assistant to the President on Media/Communications) tweeted this:
There once was a journo named Reuben
Committed to Naija improving
Now works to de-slander
A pity I can’t say he’s winning.
There once was a journo named Reuben
Attacked the govt by lampooning
These days it’s his job
To earn a few bob
By angry retort & disproving
In Kenya’bout Jon it was said
To Nairobi 7 aircraft he led
It’s blown Reuben’s fuse
Challenging the news
On TABLOIDS where it’s being read.
So “seven” is said to be lucky
But it’s made our poor Reuben plucky
He’s pissed at the lie
“Shut Up”, “Go and Die”
Or chillax & have a kentucky
3. The hawks continue to circle Princess Stella Oduah, the Nigerian Minister of Aviation. First it was the scandal of the purchase of 2 armoured BMWs for $1.6m. Now, it has been alleged that she hasn’t been totally honest about her graduate studies. Shortly after the story broke, it was reported further that her aides had frantically cleaned up all her online profiles (LinkedIn, Facebook, Wikipedia and the Aviation Ministry’s website), removing all references to the questioned MBA and PhD. No statement on this yet from the presidency. Meanwhile, it was also reported that the President had, in anger, asked the outgoing CBN governor (tenure expires in June) to resign (story here) – for publicly alleging that over $40bn (!!!) of oil revenue was unaccounted for, when the true figure was closer to only $10bn.
For Princess,a new revelation
Times Premium in investigation
Is casting a doubt
(Abeg I can’t shout)
On Stella Oduah’s education
In spite of the Grand Renovation
It’s tricky,this school situation
Should all that she’s built
Absolve her of guilt
If she fibbed’bout her education?
The prez wants SLS to go
For leakage to ex-presido
And 10 lost, not 40
That letter was naughty
But Sanusi, boldly, says NO.
So Goody would have Lami go
For daring to spotlight the dough
But on his princess
He will not address
The beamers and CV, no, no.
4. Britain and Nigeria signed an agreement to deport each other’s convicted nationals to serve out their sentences in their home countries. The conspiracy theory mill swung into overdrive, anticipating that James Ibori, convicted former governor, would be one of the beneficiaries, and that he would receive a state pardon very quickly thereafter, making him eligible to actively participate in politics again.
The Crown and the Giant of Dreams
(Cos Scrubs were a-burst at the seams)
Today they agree
Our prisoners are free
To serenade Alagbon with their screams
If you’re stuck in Jail-Upon-Thames
And tired of bars, grills and frames
And hail from Nigeria
Well, cue the hysteria
You’re being brought back with King James
5. Pastor Chris Okotie, another perennial presidential “perspirant”, says God has told him to contest again in 2015.
Old pop star, though Fresh politician
In throes of divine proposition
Has recently said
He will go ahead
Contest in the coming election
There once was a guv’nor in Edo
Who lived by a different credo
Splashed widows and hawkers
Turned us into gawkers
Is he making an “eminado”?
Our leaders, their eyes are a-glint
While activists say they are skint
These ignorant few
Have not seen the view
Ex prez of the Khaki and Lace
In grand political volte face
Is leaving the coven
Will said crimes be proven
For now, we must all watch this space
It can’t be a happy prognosis
This grand political osmosis
For when you embrace
The gunk from that place
You’re bound to contract a necrosis
The state legislator named Lloyd
By macey-head escapade buoyed
Has been apprehended
For innards distended
As fleeing with ‘Maechi he toyed
(Read the Lloyd story here).
And the piece de resistance…
There was a Frenchman named Francois
Who broke Le Gold Rule du Boudoir
He stuck his baguette
In une autre palette
His Mrs took ill, ooh la la!
And a Few Others…
In 0-13s month of December
A husband got sliced on his member
He’s back with his wife
Uhm, wake me up, end of September.
A thought for the reds of Manchester
Because them again we must pester
4th home loss in 6
Can Moyesy still fix
Or does Alex need a de-rester?